The Constitution of the Gods
by athemyst
Summary: Gods, we know, have their own rules they abide to. Humans, and their laws, have absolutely nothing to do with them. Especially with Zeus, the King of all Gods. So what happens when Poseidon and Hermes...get a little mischievous?
1. A Spark of Brilliance and Annoyance

This was my fifth time meeting my son outside Olympus. Here, I was temporarily hidden away from Zeus' prying eyes. I could finally talk and spend some non-monster infested, world threatening time with Percy. And without having to be constantly reminded that too much favoritism would cause trouble, I had better responsibilities, etc, etc, etc. It was the perfect scenario from my dreams, but……I was having a miserable time.

Not that I didn't like spending time with Percy. I mean, he's a great kid and all, and he'd saved all of Olympus last year when he turned sixteen and defeated Kronos. However, I did _not_ like trudging in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by leafy greenery and clingy mud. Worst of all, the air so humid that I was immediately drenched with sweat. To top off my humiliation, I had to look my worse in front of other demi-gods. Me, Poseidon, Earth Shaker, Lord of the Sea, Father of Horses.....panting and dripping from the weather. Oh, and I was also lugging a bulky ice cooler on my back.

But, hey, I was committed to this father son trip, right?

Unfortunately.

"We," Annabeth finally said, after half an hour of anxious silence, "are lost." Her storm gray eyes shifted uncomfortably towards me as she said this, as if expecting me to incinerate her for stating what, truthfully, was not the biggest secret.

"Talk about stating the obvious" muttered Grover, reflecting my thoughts perfectly.

"Errr, Dad? You wouldn't, uh, happen to know the way out of this mountain, right?"

I grimaced. "If I did, we wouldn't still be here now, would we?"

"Just asking."

I saw Annabeth and Grover exchanging nervous looks.

"Um, would you like one of us to carry that for you, sir?" offered Grover, gesturing towards the accursed ice cooler. I hitched it up higher on my back and winced at the small din of clashing bottles and cans. Sadly, we didn't really find a place where we could sit down and have a small picnic (even now we were edging past a tiny trail that skirted past a huge chasm) so everything was full and sloshing with heavy, _heavy_ liquid. Still though, I was a god trying to be nice today. Nice and patient.

"Oh, no, that's alright," I said pleasantly. The ice cooler was starting to feel as though it was crammed with boulders, so I added innocently, "I just wasn't expecting us to get lost." I pointedly stared at Grover. No one said anything.

This now dismal trip had actually started out pretty good. You know, with everyone in high spirits, laughing, me not feeling so awkward around everyone. I'd actually managed casual conversation with them.

By the way, for those who want to know, this was Percy's idea. A mountain hike with just the four of us: him, me, Annabeth, and Grover. Tyson would've come, but he needed to check up on some school for next year, and Sally had gone to help him register. Yep, when faced with the choice of spending another year in my forges, learning from the greatest, he had chosen to go to school in some New York street. Weird.

Anyway, I hadn't been so keen on this idea. I mean, why not a cruise, surrounded by the sea, if you had to have a little vacation somewhere? But I'd come because, well, I wanted to make up a bit for not being in Percy's life (although it was hardly my fault). And I knew he wanted me to get better acquainted with his friends. Especially Annabeth, who I was pretty sure he was unofficially dating. Which explains why I haven't ditched them yet and gone back to the sea the moment Grover got us lost. Yes, did I mention that? It was _Grover's _fault we were lost. Basically, he thought he'd lost his cap somewhere, took us from the trail about ten miles or so, before finding it resting in his backpack. Honestly. He is the most aggravating satyr I've ever met.

I decided that the best thing to do right now, other than finding our way out of this stupid mountain, was to create some small talk. You know, a little bit of conversation so that they would stop looking at me like I was going to fry them anytime. Might make things easier.

"So," I said casually, "what's that event that I keep seeing in your newspapers?"

"Oh, that?" Annabeth said, immediately ceasing her _I'll kill you later_ looks she had been shooting Grover . "It's a debate, between a citizen and the law."

"Yeah, I keep seeing it too." Percy cut in. "It's the article that's been shortening the cartoon section, isn't it?"

Annabeth rolled her eyes.

"Honestly, Percy, you need to start reading the part of the newspaper that actually matters"

"Are you crazy? The cartoon section's the only part of the newspaper that doesn't put me to sleep!"

"Whatever." Annabeth sighed. "Anyways, the debate's about how these students in….uhh, it was-"

"Greenwood's Public School."

We all stared at Grover as if he'd developed two heads. Oblivious to our shock, he continued his flow of information, which made us look at him as if he'd voluntarily missed a lunch of enchiladas. So maybe I didn't know Grover all that well, but I understood enough that he was usually as clueless about mortal affairs as Percy was. Which meant pretty much zero information.

"It's a debate between some students in Greenwood, and the principle, about them wearing some campaign badges, and causing some disturbances in school. The students are complaining that taking away the right to wear those badges is taking away their freedom, and they've taken the case to court."

Finally, he noticed us all gawking at him (except for me), blushed, and murmured something about," Mr.D…unfair….agree…students…taking away rights….."

"I don't understand this constitution law" I commented; partly because I was curious, and partly because I was nice enough to save Grover from tripping over himself in embarrassment. "It seems to me that it causes more problems than it does solving it. You hear about all these arguments and so because of them."

"Well, we humans think that all these arguments are worth it if we're able to have a little bit of power, instead of having our butts completely whupped by the government." Percy said with a careless shrug. Annabeth's eyes widened noticeably at this as she gave Percy a warning nudge, while Grover tried to subtly stomp on his foot. Immediately, my block headed son seemed to realize what he had said.

"Oh, uh, Dad, I, um, didn't mean it that way. I mean, sure I think it's a bit unfair that you gods make all the rules but, it's not-"

I could see Annabeth's "nudges" turn to pinches. I was pretty tempted to pinch him myself by now. And yet....there was something Percy was saying that somehow reminded me of something.....

Unfair. Lack of power.

Something… was bugging me about those words.

"Ah, I just meant to say that it's all right, and, like, no one minds, and, yeah...." Percy finished lamely.

There was another moment of silence, where everyone was fitfully thinking of what to say. However, I was thinking about what was troubling me.....

And then I got it. As well as the craziest idea in the world.

"Thank you Percy!" I exclaimed triumphantly. Then I frowned. I couldn't do this by myself. No, I would need a certain trickster, brimming with mischief....

Right. Problem solved.

"Thank you, son" I repeated. Inwardly I smirked, seeing Percy, Annabeth's, and Grover's bewildered faces as they stared at each other. Judging from the hand motions Grover was making, he seemed concerned for my sanity.

"I'm very sorry, but I have to go now. It's.... um, urgent business." I straightened and dropped the ice cooler. "Oh," I added casually. "Would you mind carrying that in my place Grover?" His horrified expression at having to carry an extra 10 pounds along with his sagging backpack was all I needed. I cheerfully smiled at him I responded,

"I appreciate it"

And then left.

Hey, I'd wasted half an hour of my life, as well as a mile's worth of energy because of him.


	2. The Start of the Plan and my Insantiy

As quickly as I had disappeared from Percy and Co, I reappeared instantaneously on Mount Olympus. Well, more specifically, I appeared inside my chambers, just in front of the closed door. Well, it was more like a guest room, since I only ever stayed overnight in here when there was a situation important (or bad) enough that required a meeting between all the gods. Otherwise, I prefer staying underwater, where there's no threat of having a room that's dangling from the top of the Empire State Building (600 feet. You expect me to sleep comfortable knowing that the peak of a mountain is all that's supporting us from a fall of the height?).

It was actually quite a nice room. The walls were studded with coral (real, of course), and the floor was covered by a layer of sand littered with seashells. And naturally, all the furniture: a simple bed, a chair, a desk, and a TV (Hey. This _is_ the twenty first century. And T.V. is a nice distraction from all our paperwork) was constructed out of gray sea rock.

Still.

Anyway, I immediately rushed over to the desk and flung open a drawer. It should be here…I'm sure that the last time I used it, I put it in here afterwards…..

Finally, I found it: A cell phone. Just the thing I needed to get in contact with a certain god. The catch? It was my first time touching it in five years. You could tell too.

The whole phone was coated with an inch thick layer of dust. There were cracks running across its surface; one so deep I could see the mechanisms underneath. As Hephaestus would have said, it was now "Crap scrap". Worst of all, the phone itself was way out of date. Not to mention that it's batteries were dead. Typical.

Basically, it didn't look as if it could survive one more call. I was back where I had started. I sighed, and vaporized the now useless cell phone. Great. Now how was I supposed to communicate with this god? He's not exactly the easiest person to get a hold of.

"Poseidon?" A curios voice over my shoulder inquired.

I could have jumped another 600 stories higher from the shock, with my heart whamming against my ribs from hearing a voice come out of nowhere. Plus, that the person I needed, and previously had no way to contact, was right before me had something to do with the surprise as well.

"Hermes? What in the gods name are you doing here?"

The God of Thieves smiled in return to my bewildered face.

"Why so surprised, Brother? I'm simply here to deliver mail to you." His smile grew more amused. "Apparently it's a postcard from Grover…." He started cracking up now, with failed attempts to hide it. "Of-of you carrying a-…." He was laughing full out now, being the terrible person he was. "…an ice-cooler!!"

"If you're quite done, Hermes." I said coldly. Inwardly, I was thinking of the best way to get Grover back. Then again, having to carry a large two kilogram icebox for another few miles was probably punishment enough.

"Yes, yes, sorry." Hermes chuckled. "Only the look on your face in the picture….Which reminds me." The merriment on his face slipped off to be replaced by mock sternness.

"Update your phone every once in a while, would you?" he said, tone completely different now. "Hephaestus would die of horror if he realized you were still using a-" He cast me a withering look. "- a Nokia"

Defensively, I said, "Well, cell phones completely ruin the point of having you, the God of Messengers, around, doesn't it? We'd all be texting each other instead of calling to you."

"As if I'm not busy enough as it is." He shook a carefree hand. "Anyway," he said. "What was it you needed me for?"

"Ah, yes, that." I was immediately reminded of why I had even been looking for my cell phone. "Instead of giving your usual little cryptic comments, please just answer me bluntly and honestly. I'm serious."

Looking a bit taken aback at my question, Hermes shrugged. "Fire away"

I took a deep breath. Much as this guy was annoying, much as he teased me, I needed his help. He was the key figure to this crazy plan of mine, and it was necessary to have him on my side.

"Would you be interested in having Zeus…follow a certain law?"  
Hermes narrowed his eyes. "Explain."

"Well," I started. "You know this mortal law that these humans are always upholding? This Constitution thing that talks about their rights and freedom"

"The Bill of Rights."

"Uh, yes, that one. I've been thinking-"

"No way." Hermes injected. "You want _Zeus _to follow those rules?" He started laughing. "Poseidon, I'm afraid staying underwater all this time might have clogged up your brain with too much seaweed. _Seaweed Brain_" he added, with a snide look. Grrr. Curse Annabeth.

I calmed (or at least attempted to) myself with a breath. Right now, my choices were,

1. Punch Hermes in the gut, get punished later, and forever ruin my idea..

2. Sacrifice a bit of my sanity and patience and get my point across to this idiot, and maybe get some results.

You have no idea how tempting the first choice was. Really. But then I'd be accused of having plankton stuck in my brain, as well as seaweed. So I plowed through.

"Look, why not?" I argued. "If it was for a limited time, we gods might actually have a say in what Zeus dictates, and-"

Again, Hermes interrupted what was going to be my powerful and moving speech. You know, like the ones you hear and read about in movies and books.

"Do you even know what the Bill of Rights is?"

"Uhhh.." _Damn._ I couldn't very well say no. How stupid would I sound?

"There are these twelve rules, right? And the first is…."

Hermes stared at me with amused eyes.

"Ten, Brother," he corrected with unnecessary relish. "The Bill of Rights is made up of ten rules. The first one," He recited "is that Congress, or the law," he amended, seeing my bewildered face. "may not take away the people's freedom of speech, press, or the media. Now," he continued forcefully. "Imagine that. I could call their current president, Obama, a jerk without getting my head cut off, whether I'm a god or a beggar. Now think of what would happen if I went up to Zeus and told him that he was a first class idiot, and that he was so stiff I could ram a stick up his-"

"Right. I get your point." I said quickly, cutting him off mid-sentence. "He would blast your head open"

Hermes pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Well, maybe not that far. But at the very least, he would give me an extra hundred pounds of work for me to do. And that's best case scenario. In other words, miraculously lucky"

"Fine then," I retorted indignantly. "Be sneaky. Do it in a way so that he's agreed to do it without actually knowing he has?"

"And how, brother, do you suggest we go about doing that?"

Hmm. That was a problem.

"Don't you have any idea, Hermes? At all? You're the only god I trust and know can help me the most. You _are_ the god of thieves, and trickery."

I decided to go with the helpless/admirationapproach. Meaning that outwardly, I was all wide eyed reverence. Inside? Ugh. Someone owed me big time.

However, Hermes seemed to have thawed a bit by my phony praises (Alright, so I really do need him. But only a little bit of that jerk's help.). He cocked his head, eyes misting over, deep in thought now.

"Well," he said. "There could be a way…"

Ha. Gullible fool. Unfortunately, seeing as I was still tripping over myself looking pathetic, I wasn't that better off.

Suddenly, the dreamy look vanished from Hermes face. His trademark smile, full of mischief and fun, had replaced it.

"It's a long shot," he wondered aloud. "But with the right people on our side, this could actually… Oh shoot."

"What? What is it?" I asked worriedly. You would be too, if the brain of this plan seemed to have met an unbreakable wall, judging from his face. I braced myself to hear that this idea (credits to me) was no good at all.

Instead, the god that was shortly going to be responsible for all our troubles flashed me a sideways glance.

"We are going to need a LOT of godly help."

"Meaning…?"

"How good are you at asking favors from them?"

Ah, poor Poseidon. Basically, the two gods now face the impossible task of winning all the gods to their side….THE DARK SIDE! The gamble being, if one god refuses and word leaks to Zeus, these two characters are in DEEP trouble. As for why they need all this godly help? Hehe, will be revealed alter :)

Also, for the people who actually read and like my story (Thank you to those who did), I'm going to this camp thing in America for about 6 weeks, so no update.  Soorry!!!!!


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